As the issue about immigration, illegal and otherwise, heats up beyond its already normal boil, I found Christopher Dickey’s posting in Newsweek to be most entertaining. In his posting, Dickey suggests that all Americans carry their passports, whether they are inside or outside the country. He admits he may be ugly in totalitarian states and not very appetizing in the more civilized nations. But, still, he contends, if we are serious about our immigration, the least we can do is carry a national identity card, and that is our passport.
Much of what Dickey writes is tongue in cheek, and his is a nice, unique take on this hot button subject. Anything for originality in this lockstep condition that poses one absolute against another absolute. On the plus side of Dickey’s proposal, one is always capable of proving American Citizenship. The passport may circumvent background checks and other searches, as it is considered as valid as, well, your American Express Card.
Upon reading the headline and the first paragraph of Dickey’s piece, the first thing I wondered was where am I going to put the damn thing? Dickey maintains he sticks his in his back pocket. That’s a little too clunky for my tastes to have this genuine government issue semi-cardboard thing protruding from my back pocket. Makes all those form fitting designer jeans a waste of money, when you have a passport sticking out of your rump like some misguided feather. But then further into the article, Dickey opts against the expense of replacing this expensive and frequently worn out passport by carrying the wallet sized version. I can go for that. Although, yet one more card in a wallet crammed with credit cards, health insurance cards, and assorted id, puts even more stress in my already stressed out sciatic nerve. Vanity considered, I feel even lumpier than I want to feel already. Like I feasted on bricks and they wouldn’t digest.
And then there is the issue of the passport photo. Have you ever found anyone who looks good in a passport photo? We either appear like degraded clones of ourselves or something from the most wanted list. We never smile right; we never frown right. Our passport photos make us look like people who just want to get it over with so we can get on with our lives. And then we regret it for the next ten years.
But Dickey does contend that you need the passport because in Arizona, anyway, one’s driver’s license and automobile registration, will not get the job done in terms of confirming one’s identity. He mentions one poor driver who got carted off the jail, after providing these identification pieces to the authorities. So no go there. He is right. It will have to be the passport.
And then I thought most people don’t even have their passports. If carrying your passport was mandated, this means that millions of people would have to get theirs. This would result in monstrously long lines at the Passport Office, and the last time that happened, turnaround times were weeks and many months after one applies. So that means your Aunt Edna, who never liked foreigners and didn’t want to travel, anyway, who had no need for a passport up until now, runs the risk of deportation. Adios, Aunt Edna. I promise I will feed your cat and water the Azaleas.
Of course, Dickey turns serious and denigrates the recent Arizona Immigration, Law SB 1070, providing a litany of reasons that one should savor by reading his article. Let’s just say with most of what he writes, much of the country is in agreement. Few would claim this is the most popular law ever passed by a state. In fact, when a law is considered so reprehensible it rouses the ire in generally apolitical basketball jocks, there is small chance such a law will enter the pantheon of jurisprudence.
So here we are. We can do as Dickey suggests and carry our passport with us. We can accommodate its bulk and awkward sizing or stick yet one more plastic card in our wallets. Or we can submit to ill minded and draconian principles that will ultimately resolve none of the issues determining immigration. Or we can become rational and devise a coherent immigration policy that makes sense, is fair, and above all, demonstrates that when pressed to resolve issues we can arrive at pragmatic consensus. That would be nice. For a change.
Because let’s face it, we really don’t want to be carting around our passports. Just being forced to show that terrible photo of yourself should be enough reason to find a viable solution to immigration.